Monday, November 7, 2011

Being a Mommy teaches you.....

Bangalore mom ended her post this way- I was tagged so long ago, its almost embarrassing. But JLT and Abha, would love to hear what you have to say.
Well, Bmom, now you've found someone more slothful than you, maybe it will help you get over your embarassment. And haha, I'm sure Abha still hasn't taken up this tag, so there's redemption for me as well!!

Blogging used to be with such ease... but nowadays, while there are lots and lots of little posts composed in my head, almost none of them make it to Blogger. Sigh. I don't know how time flies...and I suspect that something called FB might account for a lot of it... but blogging is so much more fulfilling. I have no idea why I don't blog more.

So what has motherhood taught me.. other than breastfeeding and changing diapers and rocking a baby to sleep? Well, lots!

One of them is an on-going lesson- its like specialisation. - the more you learn it, the more of it there seems to learn... sigh. Am talking of that BIG one- PATIENCE. As Sonny boy grows, am finding my reserves of patience dwindling to almost nothing. I'm so different from what I dreamt I'd be as a mother. He never taxed my patience all that much as a baby, cos he was a lovely peaceful baby. Easy to feed, easy to distract, easy to rock to sleep.... But school and associated pluses and minuses made demands of both of us that were more than either of us expected.

And that leads me to the next one- HUMILITY. It is simply amazing how much my son can forgive me and how easily. I yell at him nowadays for nearly everything. From morning till night- for not eating, for being so distracted, for not drinking, for not studying, for watching TV, for playing games on mobiles/laptops... For this reason, am pretty glad that I have an office to go to, and he has a school to go to, when we're out of each other's hair. But no matter how mcuh I shout at him, he always comes to me with a hug that is difficult to describe.. its a little wary, a little obstinate, always so full of LOVE. It makes my heart break that I can be so nasty to such a loving little creature and he humbles me every time with his generosity of heart and forgiving nature.

This is pretty strongly related to the other BIG one- GUILT. Right now, I'm at that stage where I hold myself guilty for all of his shortcomings.
He's extra shy because I'm not with him to help him make friends easily. Its so much more easier for kids to become friends if their mothers are friends.
He watches TV cos I don't make anything else more enjoyable for him ( Grrrr.... and his father watches it even more than him, but that's fodder for another post)
He's short tempered because all he hears is me shouting at him. Every morning, I wake up with the resolve that I'm NOT going to shout at him... only to have it fly out of the window...
I feel even more guilty because the father is so much more patient than me.And that people, is SUCH a double edged sword!

Getting to mother Sonny boy has taught me FAITH. Crossing a bridge when you come to it has been the cornerstone of my life as a mother. He was not a planned baby, he just happened, with God's grace. And all the other insurmountables that rose before us were crossed with the grace of God. For that, my God, many heartfelt thanks. Please do continue to look after us. More than ever, I put my faith in God to take us through the troughs.

Above all else, being a mother, has taught me that I am an important person. It has made me believe in myself and my abilities. I am my son's mother. With all my inadequacies, it is a role that can be filled by none better than me. And that brings me a sense of fulfilment that is unmatched. For him, I can scale mountains. Getting to the other side of the mountain is a wonderful reward, but even if it can't be scaled, having made an attempt is more than sufficient too. It is a role where not just results matter, efforts do too, the journey being just as important as the destination. And everytime someone tells me I have a wonderful boy, my heart expands that bit more....

I know you've not done it yet, Abha, so lets hear it from you :-)

1 comment:

Uma said...

Ah JLT, this is such a fresh list..loved reading this..
I so relate to the 2nd and 3rd paras..
you must blog more often..