Sunday, May 18, 2008

For better and for worse..

Whoever wrote the marriage lines sure knew what she was doing. I have my doubts that it was a he. They don't possess that level of sensitivity, you know.

Suma tagged me for 10 things I hate about men some few weeks back. Now how is it, that before marriage, men were so many in the universe, but after marriage, esp when you talk of things you dislike (and obviously would like changed- futile hope, I know, but I still live in hope) all men distil into the one I married?

I do love him to bits tho' I don't show it- not at all in these these past coupla years, my dear husband, but I do love you . LOTS. More probably than when I fell in love with you, for if I'd known then that you had all these, gasp! frailties, I would have run miles away. OUT of earshot.
LOL! Sigh! But you don't know before getting married, do you, that-

- Fella loves his morning cuppa tea more than me? It sure looks like that to me, when sometimes my delay in making that can lead to most Godawful row. Bah! I never liked tea too much, but now I positively HATE it. Not the husband, please note.

- Before getting married, I also never knew that he would leave his shirt/trouser pocket's pickings on the dining table. The tables we dined on prior to mariage had these lovely waiters who cleaned. I find I don't like having become the waiter in our house.

- And oh! how could I relegate this to third place? the b****y TV remote takes pride of place. While we were courting, and even in the first year of our marriage, books reigned. We discussed loads of stuff. with laughter and love. And what TV we watched, we did so together. With no thought to where the remote was, for there was place on that slim diwan only for the two of us.
But now,OOOOOOOOO! yeh kahaaan aa gaye hum..???? If you asked the husband what single thing if lost, would make said husband desperate and lonesome, it wouldn't be me, people, but the darned remote!!!! Gah! I call it my Sout. Anybody know how to throttle the living daylights out of a remote control?

This is common, Suma.
(Matter-of-factly)
Husband- Wife, do you knnow where xyz is????
Wife- Its on/under/beside whatever.
(Lovingly)
Husband- Where? Its not here.
Wife- It is there. Below/above whatever.
(Irritatedly)
Husband- I can't see it anywhere here...
Wife- Look properly, husband.
(Angrily)
Husband- It is NOT here. Why can't you come and help me find it?
Wife- *pulling the damn thing out from exactly where she so clearly told him it was* then WHAT IS THIS????
******* *** *******

- Prior to marriage, I didn't know that I would have to be the one to put his smelly home wear into the laundry, never him.
- Also, be the one picking the many newspapers splayed on the sofa, never him.
- be the one bothered about keeping the house clean.

Another oft repeated scene earlier

Husband- wife, can you massage my neck/shoulders/legs for me, please?
Wife- Ok. sit in front of me *proceeds to give a thorough massage, kneading and straightening all the knots out*
Husband- ah! that was divine, wife. Thank you.
Wife- ignoring, but gratified grunt.
Companionable silence reigns.
***
Wife- Husband, can you massage my neck/shoulders/legs for me, please?
Husband- For you, anything, my darling. *proceeds to do come chop-chop actions which end up giving the wife a bigger, focussed pain instead of earlier vague ache.
Wife- Husband. Do it like I do it for you. Not like this.
Husband- This is how my barber does it for me. But if you say so. *Proceeds to do same chop-chop in a different area, ensuring two focussed areas of pain*.
Wife- Husband. Forget I asked you to do anything. *Moves away and sits fuming that the fellow can emulate the barber, but not his wife, who he also agrees does it so well.*
Husband- *Puts on a good-husband-snubbed-by-never-satisfied-wife-look and- goes back to watching tv!
Ominous silence reigns.
***
Part II

Enter Sonny boy.
I certainly didn't expect to be throwing up 24 hrs, all 8 months while Hubby gorged on all things delicious that were ostensibly brought for me. But he kinda made up for that with the patience with which he would get up a 2 am and make dosas for preggie me. :-)
It was not fair that only I ended up getting sliced up to get Sonny boy out, but the smile on his face when he held Sonny boy first in his arms made up for that too.

Alright. Lets get back to business. We're talking hate here, not love. And this time, its about real issues.

- I do not like being EXPECTED to do everything for Sonny boy, do all housework and go out and work too. I was not born doing all these things, anymore than he was. I might be doing it, cos we need to do things together, for us to live the kind of life we want and want to give Sonny boy as well. But then, I picked up certain skill sets along the way, and I would love it if he did too. That he dosn't think it a big favour done to me if one day he does certain things for Sonny boy. Friend, he's as much your son as mine, ergo, we need to re-work job profiles and responsibilities.

- I am NOT your mother, nor do I want to be her. In all fairness, I do not expect you to be my father. We have a son to whom we can each be mother and father. I am your wife. And you are my husband. Its an equal partnership. If I stay at home and look after our home and son, then too its equal- bringing up your son oftentimes requires more energy and patience than getting business (and is also more rewarding). if I also work outside the home, then its more equal.

- And my biggest crib of all, my dear husband. I do NOT like our home being demeaned to the likes of a hotel. Where people come in and go as they please. With no accountability whatsoever towards us and our home. With absolutely no love lost between said parties. I would not expect you to put up with such guests from my end for 6 long b****y years. I would either have set the people right, failing which I would have sent them packing. LONG back. Not left sores to fester to a point beyond return. Where they are currently. And you still refuse to see it.

I pass this tag to whosoever would like to take it up.

23 comments:

BangaloreMom said...

JLT

I am sure N and ur Hubby must have been brothers in an earlier life. I give him such lovely massages while he aspires to break my bones!! :D

Sunita said...

JLT, I am going to send this link to P just so that he knows, I am not wrong in asking him to sweep the floor if need be. Also, that he is got company. I only hope he doesn't ask me for massages, I am usually too tired.

Poppins said...

LOL, are these men all the same or what?

Suma said...

i knew it!!! i knew it!!!

that u would do this tag teh JLT way...:0

awww..hubbies are so indispensably irritating, na?

am here now in blore and alredy missing him...:)

Suma said...

i knew it!!! i knew it!!!

that u would do this tag teh JLT way...:0

awww..hubbies are so indispensably irritating, na?

am here now in blore and alredy missing him...:)

Something to Say said...

Rah Rah JLT!!!
Give it to him babes!!! Way to go!!

P.S. Everybody please ignore me - hubby has run off to another country - leaving me to handle a troublesome brat outside and a football player inside!!!

I am sooo itching to do this tag!!!!

Just Like That said...

BMom: Break bones is about right :-D

Sunita: In the last one year sans maid, I have been so pissed off at this 'doing a favor' attitude I tell you. LOL. the massages were some time back.:-)

Poppins: Honestly, I perfectly understand it if girls prefer girls!!! :-D

Suma: Thank you, dearie! :-D
U in B'lore? Where?? For how long??? Do mail me at notquitejustlikethat@gmail.com
and yeah, I get that part about the missing him too. I miss him when he's not there, and when he is there, I'm back to getting mad at him, within an hour. sigh!

STS: Glad to be of help in any which way :-D Go on, rant:-D feel free. LOL at football player inside :-)

Mama - Mia said...

ouch!! :D

Maggie said...

LOL, JLT! Two weeks ago, and I would've done this tag (and probably ended up divorced to boot!) But the husband's been redeeming himself in lots of little ways lately. I think it's finally hit him that we're going to have another baby :-)

Maggie said...

LOL, JLT! Two weeks ago, and I would've done this tag (and probably ended up divorced to boot!) But the husband's been redeeming himself in lots of little ways lately. I think it's finally hit him that we're going to have another baby :-)

Noodlehead said...

girl, are you sure you didn't write about my husband? :D must be genetic, that's the only way to explain it. sigh!

"I was not born doing all these things, anymore than he was. I might be doing it, cos we need to do things together, for us to live the kind of life we want and want to give Sonny boy as well." hear, hear!

Mallory said...

Life after marriage Marriage Jokes

dipali said...

What you say is so true, JLT. As far as the permanent hotel business is concerned, somehow their (bloody) blood tends to be much thicker than water. But it is really really tough to handle on a daily basis. All the best:)

WhatsInAName said...

ROFL!
Now this IS called hitting the Nail on the head :P

Usha said...

Yes, one can never figure out what happens to them the minute they tie the knot - all their hitherto well concealed traits jump out of the closet.
Wonder if we women do that too - only we don't notice it ourselves?

The Scorpion Ma said...

I reached here from Aargees blog..
I thot I was the only unlucky one wrt the husband... Then I read Aargees rants and could relate so much to what she wrote.. Then I come to your blog and find so much in common... Totally agree to what you say... Why is it that only we feel it necessary to maintain the house. Why do men feel everything is fine when we can see tons of work pending...God help me understand men..And they say women are mysterious :)

How do we know said...

FULL MARKS to u for this post!

pumpkins mom said...

loved this post. Can relate to so many things...especially the "massage" and "do you know where xyz is" lol! these martians...

Vidooshak said...

what a disappointment. i came here looking for what Mama Mia had to say in the eloquent comments section... and all she has is an "ouch".

Bet that means she doesn't identify with anything you said and instead wonders why she has the least remote-controlled husband of them all...

hehehehe!!

chandu said...

This is so so cute!!!!

We're in the first year of marriage and as you said its all books, and love and laughter!

Hope it doesn't change as time progresses!

- chandni
http://chandni.wordpress.com

bird's eye view said...

I love #4 - A is the same. Me: A, pls get the butter from the fridge

A: where is it?

Me: Second shelf right side

A: (standing right in front of fridge, door open) No, it's not here

Me: It is, just check

A: It's not

Me: ( with a huff) - there it is, right in front of you!

A: Oh, you didn't tell me there was a glass to the side...

He expects things to jump out from the fridge into his arms. (sorry to take up so much comment space but it really hit a nerve!)

Sindhu said...

So now I know I am not alone! :) Loved your post on this subject.. I'm a new blogger myself and going through blogs that catch my eye. Yours sure did! I go through all of this day in and day out and believe it or not, I go "Why did I not see this before our wedding?!:)"

I'd like to link your blog if you don't mind :) You can find my blog at

http://overacuppachai.blogspot.com

Sindhu said...

So now I know I am not alone! :) Loved your post on this subject.. I'm a new blogger myself and going through blogs that catch my eye. Yours sure did! I go through all of this day in and day out and believe it or not, I go "Why did I not see this before our wedding?!:)"

I'd like to link your blog if you don't mind :) You can find my blog at

http://overacuppachai.blogspot.com