Friday, June 17, 2011

Remembering Dad.

June 14th was my Dad's birthday. And we planned a feast for him. Except that he would not be able to eat it in person. This being the eighth year since he passed on, (Sonny boy came into the world a bittersweet year after his death) he'd only be able to eat it in spirit.

When he was a toddler, Sonny boy would unabashedly smother Dad's photo stuck to the wardrobe door, with wet kisses. I still have that picture of Dad's with one cheek all discoloured ... I don't think he'd mind.:-) But now, when he's grown up, and seen a couple of relatives in the family pass on, (the Acha's grandmother- another much loved lady, and my Uncle) he realises that Achacha is not quite omnipresent.

On the 14th, in the morning rush for school, we quite forgot to tell him that it was Achacha's B'day. So when he came back to appetising smells of biriyani ( courtesy my Mom who is with us currently) he sniffed appreciateively.

Today we're making Biryani???
Yeah, its Achacha's B'day.

Oh! today?
Yeah, Did you wish him?

*sheepish* No.
He'll be wondering why you alone didn't...

But I don't know his number, that's why.

We were zapped. He'd never asked for a number to speak to Achacha before. And then the penny dropped. He'd confused Achacha with Muthassan (the Acha's father)

We laughed and told him that it was MY Dad's B'day.

And then, he went upto Dad's foto and abashedly wished him a Happy Birthday.
And he turned and asked me-

Did he hear me?
Of course he heard you, Sonny boy, see, he's smiling down at you..

...and then, we went on to offer him dinner. Sonny boy rushed hither and thither, laying the mat, and placing the fruits and chocolates and payasam. In addition to the chicken curry, biriyani and salad. He almost knocked over a glass of water in his enthusiastic running to and fro.

In my home, when we keep food for ancestors, we lay 3 places- one for Dad, one for my side of the family, and one for the Acha's side of the family. So we finished our prayers, asked for blessings, and then closed the door so they could have their food. And then Sonny boy's voice piped up-

Who are the other dead people who will come and eat with Achacha?


It can still open a hurt to refer to him as DEAD. That's so final and removed from us somehow. And for me, Daddy, you are there always - maybe not foremost in my mind, but still there somewhere. Always. In happy times and sad. Sometimes in my times of need, I wish I could hear you just one more time.. touch you just one more time... so I could feel comforted even if nothing's been resolved... Sigh.

16 comments:

starry eyed said...

Hugs, JLT. A very bittersweet post...how wonderful that you are keeping his memory alive with his grandson...it's super-special. Hugs again.

R's Mom said...

Hugs JLT! Sonny boy is so sweet...I agree to Starry...its wonderful you are keeping his memory alive :)

Uma said...

lovely post JLT...it's courageous to draw strength from the memories of our loved ones when they are no longer around us physically...

Swati said...

Hugs !! I so agree with Starry.
Lots of hugs

Just Like That said...

Starry, R's Mom, Uma, Swati: *feels warmed by all the hugs* Thank you.

Gayatri said...

- Hugs

Mamma mia! Me a mamma? said...

You have me crying.

Hugs for you; hugs for me,
Hugs for all the girls
Who miss their Daddy...

Scribby said...

HUGS JLT...

Uma said...

Hi...you are tagged...

neeths said...

Hi.. I started from somewhere, landed up reading your blog.. must say you are so good in expressing your feelings...

I have saved your link in my favourites and started reading from your 1st blog. Things that you have jotted in 2007 is the phase that i am going thru now. It looks like you are following my life than me reading a blog which was written almost 4 years ago. Very nicely written.. Keep going.. there r so many ppl like me who will follow u :)

dipali said...

Hugs, my dear. No matter how many years pass, the memories are always there.

noon said...

That is such a sweet thing to do...remember dad on his birthday and make a special meal for him. Such a nice way to make the kid also realize that you are actively thinking about him..not as a passing thought...

Just Like That said...

Scribby: Hugs back.

Uma: Thank you, will take it up sooooon. :-)

Neeths: Thank you so much and welcome.:-)

Dips: They are, aren't they? :-)

Noon: It is more a tradition, but yes, its a nice way of not forgetting them ever. :-)

Just Like That said...

Gayatri and Mama Mia: Hugs right back.

BangaloreMom said...

Sigh JLT!! I know EXACTLY what you mean...everytime I hear kuttan tell his friends 'my grandpa died', my heart squeezes with the pain of it. It never does feel that they are gone forever...because they probably arent...hugs girl!!

Mama - Mia said...

why havent i been reading any blogs? esp yours! there are so many lovely posts i have completely missed.

hugs. this one was absolutely beautiful.